(Unfin Ramble) Not-me here, not me… but me, there.

Journal Entry | about 1 month ago

Not-me here… but me, there.
Essential yet concrete, the fragments of micro-portions…
of matter in it’s refractions. Abstract symbols become the intangible inertia
and we live for connection, emanating cycles of paradigms and in the manifestations of revolutions, it was then ‘I’ was free, I had left my body. I had projected in to the space above my bed. I feel the soul exists and is indestructible.

Pulsating visions, unique sensory vibrations and the blackness of the subconscious. Externalizations in vast unknown and vivid lapses. Luminous psychical powerhouse, skin veil. Earth-bound. Next I, I myself, was standing on the floor beside my bed looking down at my physical body. At-one-ment. No anxiety in dreamlife. Passion in meaninglessness. Marveling at the glorious infinite everything.

One would consider, being a physical entity in the kingdoms of spiritual matter,
Real perception – Meaningful action/reaction is Inner Vital.
In the perpetual reconstructing of insecure vastness,
our hyper-tense senses are in a inner-conflict with outer decay.
Sometimes we rise, in our marvelous separateness.
Only our unflinching curiosity and inert immersions
bring to the light our need for extraordinary gatherings of belongingness.
Symbolic fluxes and vague participation; the exchange of surface desires.

Birth Arises, Decay Exists, and Death Continues.

-[Edit 2]-

Between it and inbetween it all; separated and theorized,
follow the voyeur of mishappenings,
follow space, upwards, outwards. Beyond skin we have it all yet nothing is clear. We were once hapy with our faults.

A man looks into the mirror. He examines himself.
“Yup that’s me alright.” He puts his hands up to his face and gently rests fingers upon his cheeks, he puts pressure on and slightly pulling down the tired look under the eyes, he pokes at himself,
“Who am I, really?”, he pauses and stares into his eyes unflinchingly.
“Who needs to really know?”
“How long have we known that the description of the world is better than the world itself?”

How I dream of being a non-being. As my outerself has become my physical entity my innerself becomes a psychical non-entity.

‘The path is narrow as the edge of a razor. Narrow is the way which leadeth unto life. And now there is no path here, since for pure man there is no law. And his soul is a lamp whose light is steady for it burns in a shelter where no winds come. May the infinite spirit of good bless all men and women.’

I must go now, the forest in my dreams has a waterfall which I must sleep under.


It’s time for…

It’s time for a blogpost! Are you excited too?! Thought not!

So where were we… my first experimental short documentary for the BFI is finished. Or, as near as complete as I can envisage it. I’ve been collecting peoples thoughts and feelings on the piece for a few weeks. Organised small gatherings and screenings, mainly because I wasn’t sure what to feel about it yet. I can’t speak for anyone else, but when I finish a project I have to leave it. Let it settle, even let it gather dust, before I feel like I can return to it. This is a very annoying way to work… and I really should learn to deal with it. But when you put your heart into something so intense as writing, producing, filming and editing your own documentary with very little guidelines as to how it should present itself, it’s hard to leave the edit completely happy. There will always be moments of doubt while you attempt something completely original. That was my only guideline for myself. Be nothing but ORIGINAL.

So, I began by playing a song from an album I produced. To my ears, it can only be described as electro spaceporn music.

I played this song to two friends of mine, both music producers based in Bristol. Matthew Olden is a video artist/VJ and independent AV software developer. Recently he has been touring installations, so I felt quite lucky I was able to catch him while I could. I’ve known him almost 10 years, but we’re both so busy and in our own worlds that it’s hard to predict when paths will cross!

I wanted to talk to Matthew because he is a master at visualizing epic soundscapes. He’s been using homemade technology to change the way producers are able to use samples and input devices. He’s also been quite influential in the way I produce music too!

Suzy Condrad is a singer/songwriter and music producer I met last year while organizing music events in Bristol. After playing at various gigs for my company, and being totally engrossed in her music, I found out she had synesthesia.

Matthew gave me a rather lucid, story-teller element to describe what he was hearing.

Suzy helped construct a colour palette of sound, using shape and an emotive response linked to my music.

After the initial first listening, I took all of the descriptions of what was being heard and whacked em into the magic machine. So the graphics you can see are directly linked to the range of notes and correlating emotive response from both a synesthetic (Suzy) and atypical (Matt) music producer mind.

It’s such an odd process I’m still getting my head around it to be able to describe to people, so I hope this absurd gibberish doesn’t hinder the watching/listening experience.